the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
