i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
