I think I died a long time ago.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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