ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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