Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
