You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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