have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
