end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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