shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
