One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have started to decorate penises.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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