apparently the secret to your success is patron
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
