At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
