i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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