Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
