Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
