First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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