oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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