having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
