VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
