Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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