I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
