Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
