so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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