Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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