So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
