He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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