There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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