It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
