Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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