Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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