I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
