If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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