I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
