The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
