your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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