I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
