winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
