My first STD was from a foam party
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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