SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
