apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
