he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
