Acid is not a monday night drug
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
