You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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