she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
