insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
