It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your cock deserves a montage
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
