Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
