Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
