I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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