Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to have your abortion
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
God I need to hump something, right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
