I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
