your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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