I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
