Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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