oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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